T&A Do Double D-s

double_d_cups_t-shirt-kiss_my_country_ass

If you’re wearing one of these shirts, DD #2 will find you.

 DD is not one of The Ramones

You probably think of giant boobs when you hear “Double D-s” (or maybe Dungeons & Dragons comes to mind for you). Let’s change that.

This year, you’re getting spared the acronym joke of VD, Valentine’s Day vs. Venereal Disease.

 DD #1

Douche Detector

I was reading recently about an iPhone app that helps detect ghosts. I’m all for supernatural and occult research, but what we really need in LA is a Douche Detector app. Would love to hold my phone out at a bar and have it beep within a foot of offenders so I can walk the other way.

Let’s see, how would it detect? Olfactory senses perhaps – too much hair product, scent of other women’s nether regions, anyone got other ideas?

 DD #2

Default Dude

This is what you call the friend of the guy your friend is hooking up with. Here’s the situation- you’re the wing woman to your friend. She meets a guy who’s out with his roommate or friend. You go back to their place.

It’s past 2 a.m.. Your friend is off doing gawd knows what with her guy. You’re stuck with the other guy. He’s cute enough for your beer goggles. You commence acts of faux amore with said guy. This is the Default Dude.

DD, eat this:

YourMoneyOnTheDresser

DD #3

Dick Demerit

This is when your friend does stuff because she’s dick whipped.

You’ve been spending all your gas money for years driving your friend around, and finally you ask her one favor- however she won’t pick you up at your car dealership when you’re getting your vehicle serviced five minutes away (while she’s laying around your house because she’s crashing there for a month), but she’ll drive car-less dude she’s been screwing to the valley for an interview. She gets a Dick Demerit.

Your friend hoards food when you’re eating out together and won’t share with you and whips out the calculator app at the end of the meal, but she’ll take the broke dude she’s screwing out to eat and cover whatever he wants, including alcohol. She gets a Dick Demerit.

If the only time your friend spends with you is when the dude she’s screwing is at band practice or out screwing some other chicks and she’s waiting for him to come home, your friend gets a DD #3.

If you invite your friend out to fab parties and she says “I’m not really that social of a person” but then goes to all of some douche’s band gigs and “likes” every frickin’ one of this dude’s Facebook updates, she gets a Dick Demerit.

After so many Dick Demerits, your friend gets cut off and you go have fun with your more sensible self respecting female friends.

Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone, and remember–

We should invent a DD together- saves time, saves effort, great for the environment…

Be wary when hooking up with a DD when you’re bored.

Don’t rack up too many DD-s or else your friends with brains will get bored of you.

Don’t motor-boat too many sets of DD-s either, k?

yo-dawg-we-heard-you-like-double-d-and-jeezy-a-z

x T

tnadola

KanyeVDay

 

T&A Do Instagram

Months ago, there was a T&A Do LA post about Pinterest being the new black. Ok, so it turns out Instagram is the new black. Why? Because people don’t really “e-flirt” over Pinterest since the numbers say it’s mostly straight women hanging out together online. Instagram seems to have a much more balanced ratio going on.

“Tap that” has taken on a whole new meaning in digital speak world. “Double tap” on an Instagram photo from your handheld to make the heart symbol appear. You can just “like” stuff on Facebook, but you can heart stuff on Instagram. Everyone scoffed when Facebook bought out the photo sharing app for a billion dollars, but you can now easily see why it’s a marketer’s dream.

Instagram gives you mega-insight. People show you what they have for meals, what films they’re watching, what clothes they’re wearing, what pets they have, what vacations they take, etc.. Like Facebook, Instagram feeds are curated facades of what people want you to see and think of their lives, like mini galleries of their “personal brands”. Heck, even big time Hollywood actresses (see here and here) have people who Instagram for them- their outfits, them goofing off behind the scenes, in order to make them “more real”. It’s not enough to have a Twitter feed now-a-days.

Remember those 90’s movies where the love forlorn characters check their answering machines to see if there are any voice messages to validate them and show that someone cares? How far away are we from that now? We have so many methods of digital adoration.

However, as “A” points out – Instagram doesn’t translate to insta-love. “e-flirting” can go on for weeks without either side initiating real life contact. Another friend of our’s, also an “A” has said that guys will “love” all her photos and then post similar photos and this will continue indefinitely. Has there been another time in history when each of us can get so much “heart” from so many different people watching our lives? Does this make woo-ing and courtship even more ADD than ever?

Instagram has a multi-tude of purposes. It really is a window into someone’s world view – what do they look at and want to preserve and why? It’s also a huge cult of personality. So many people you’ve never heard of are now “Instagram-famous” due to posting so many “sexy”/”cute” photos of themselves. You see these folks when you press “explore”. They have thousands of “loves”. An example? @rolaworld. Who needs a CobraSnake to follow you around now and host photos on a web page when you can more quickly broadcast yourself being hip at parties?  Then there’s the “Hey people I’m dating, look at what I do without you because I’m not sitting around waiting for you to call/text me” technique of Instagram use. Some women go about the “bitch, are you loving some photos of this guy I’m after? I’m gonna like one of your’s so you look at my profile and see the ones I posted that I took of him, so there” method. There’s also the ones who emulate their favorite contemporary photographers- lots of shots of “suburban wastelands” and emptiness. Lots of neon. Lots of humble bragging peons.

Need more explaining? Here ya go:

What’s your experience with Instagram? Why are you on there?

LA Snark’s Instagram

A’s Instagram

T’s Instagram

T&A Do Internet Dating Fails

After work Friday night, white wine, ladies opening up their— laptops together:

“A” and I check who’s writing to us on OKCupid.com to make sure there’s no over-lapping. We have different types for the most part. We have one overlap who was an attempted set up with her in real life years ago- so that’s alright.

We turn on the “anonymous browsing” <— (new band name) and read messages guys sent us.  Continue Reading

To Love and Lease in LA

LA Real Estate and Relationships Partially Decoded

You know the big three: house, relationship and job. Those who have all three going well at once are miracle workers. I usually have two running successfully at a time, but often not. What to live in, who to be with, what to be when you grow up? Last week I tweeted “Dwellings/men, they’re always lacking one or two things you really want, even if they have the rest.” Someone liked it and re-tweeted it. I firmly stand by this. Let me tell you why.

I finally signed a lease on my dream spot and it has my big three: dog friendly, parking and laundry. I saw people posting housing wanted ads for October with a dog because landlords now-a-days mostly don’t allow pets. I would drive by The Silver Lake Reservoir looking at all the dogs and wondering where the *beep do they live? Continue Reading